Saturday's visits

Weekend visits always differ from weekday visits, just because there is usually different staff on, the entire orphanage is more laid back, just a different feel. This place is no different.

We trammed into the orphanage, with a banana and yoghurt in the backpack. Milos was ready for us. He loved the yoghurt, and cried when it was all finished. We worked on signs for "eat" "more" and "finished", then played the "pick me up, no put me down" game, walking the halls. He likes to empty the back pack one thing at a time, for more food. On one of our trips down the hall, the caretaker gave me a banana for Milos. I mashed it up in the yoghurt cup and fed it to him with a spoon, working on "eat", "more" and "finished".  His hitting has almost stopped, except when we take his picture with a flash. He does not care for that, and will let us know by a definate slap! But, instead of hitting out at Jim now when I am carrying him, he puts his hand out to "give Jim 5" (nicely, not hitting him) and Jim kisses his hands. Milos watches Jim do this, and smiles every time.

Jasmina had asked us if we wanted to tour the fortress today, with her and the Maples family. SURE!  So, after visiting time, we met Sarah and Jon in the lobby. But, as the morning drew on, the fog settled in, meaning we would not be able to appreciate the fortress' views. We decided to forgo that for now, and canceled with Jasmina. Instead, the four of us headed to lunch....Mexican food in Eastern Europe!  It actually was not bad at all. Then off to the outdoor market to look for a backpack for Milos and some indestructable toys for him to fish out of said backpack. None found. On to the pedestrian shopping area, where Sarah and Jon found the cutest little dress for their new little girl. We found a backpack in one of the stores, but the price, for a small sized, mostly plastic (read...this thing will not last long at all!) was $38.00! No thank you! We will keep looking. We did end up at the fortress, still foggy and misty so the views were not the best, but it was a very nice day with friends all the same.

Then, headed back to the orphanage for our afternoon visits.

This was a very exciting visit for us! We took yogurt with us again, but knowing it was going to be a shorter visit and close to dinner, we figured on feeding only the yoghurt, not the banana. He went right to the backpack to look for the food.  Again, we worked on "eat", "more" and "finished". (the signs for these words). We played the "pick me up, put me down" game. Each time he wanted to be picked up, I told him to say 'UP". I have been doing this, generally "accepting" any verbalization he gives, rather than tongue clicks and pucker noises that he prefers. We were in our "room" where he generally does much more for us, and he looked right at me, thought really hard, and said "P". (the sound, not the letter name). I was overjoyed! He is really trying to do what we say.

We walked the halls, played more up and down, then returned to our room. (there is only so long you can spend in this little tiny room!). We pulled a pair of gloves out of the backpack and played ball with it, throwing it back and forth between Jim and myself. When we caught Milos' attention, I gave him the "glove ball", and he showed amazing abilities of turn taking...100% accurately!  He got tired of that and went back to looking for food in the backpack. It was about time to take him back for his dinner, but he was intent on emptying the backpack again, so this time Jim  held a bag and we directed him to take each iten out and put it in Papa's bag. He took the first 2 things over, then came back to me and VERY DELIBERATELY signed "MORE", got another thing, took it to Papa, came back, signed "more" again, took another thing, and did it again! 3 times, each time signing "MORE", We have not seen this movement before at all, and even when we tried to hand over hand help him sign it, he resisted so it was a loose approximation, but these three times were 100% corrctly formed, bumping those little fingers together 2 times each time!  A very sly smile accompanied this as he looked shyly at us all the while!

Just about in tears at this, I announced it was time to go back. We put the backpack stuff away, he looked at me, and held his arms up to be picked up.

I said "say UP", he looked at me and very clearly said "up". I could have picked him up as high as the next floor up! Again, that very deliberate smile of a child who knows exactly what he is doing. He is so definately "in there" waiting for someone to love him enough to risk "coming out" to meet us!

Our little boy blessed us with his first word!

Unfortunately, we had to take him back, but as soon as we said "ciao", he blew us a kiss.

Jasmina managed to snag some basketball tickets for us, and Sarah and Jon decided to go with us, so we had a WONDERFUL time at the very loud game.

I couldn't tell you who played, but I know that the home team lost, however it was a great game. Each team had one American playing on it. The crowds are LOUD and VERY ROUDY. When they don't like a ref's call, rolls of toilet paper come from the upper decks to litter the court. We were a little concerned when toward the end of the game, two squads of riot police were guarding the exits!  But at the end, everyone shook hands and no bloodshed was to be had.

Back "home" getting ready to call the kids on Skype. We miss them terribly. Jim made us a yummy ham and cheese omlet for dinner, and it will be a late bedtime for us.

But such an incredible day with such an incredible little boy trusting us enough to say his first word...both verbally and with sign.

We are certainly blessed.

Mary

The First Milos Video

Just the 3 of us chilling in the "play room". Mary started tracing his feet to get his shoe size-- he thought it was a wonderful game!

pictures from today

Day ;two of visits

Well, day two of our visits, our first "regular" visits day.

We got up and out of our apartment, and decided to cab it the first day to the orphanage on our own. It took us about 40 minutes by cab. It is not that the orphanage is that far, it is probably about 2-3 miles. The traffic is just that heavy!

We checked in through the security at the orphanage, leaving our passports with them as required. Then up to find Jasmina to let her know we were there. She updated us a little on some pending things, and took us to pick up Milos. He recognized us and was less aggressive with us today. We did notice that everytime someone from the orphanage came around, he would strike out at us. Since he does not talk, this is his only method of communication.

We had a nice morning visiting, and took him back in time for lunch. We stayed for a few minutes, wanting to observe him eating. First up were cups of chicken noodle soup...heavy on the soup part. He did not want his, but started crying immediately. They served his lunch, which he immediately started eating. When we asked if he cried for every meal, they explained that he didn't want his soup, but didn't want to wait for the rest of his meal. I did notice another child start to cry and was immediatly fed.  There are a few other instances of this institutional behavior we've noticed, and have seen others displaying the same behavior.  In other words, other than  not speaking, he doesn't seem too different than his role models!

For our lunch, we walked to St. Sava's Cathedral, then to a doner kebap place close by. The Doners were beef, in a tortilla, and delicious! We walked back to the orphanage, picking up a banana for Milos on the way. (We had asked this morning if we might bring him a snack. WHen they hear "snack" they think chips type of food. I was thinking a banana or other fruit. They approved the banana. 

We got him from his group after nap, and they were just sitting down to a "snack". They had bread, some with jam on it, but for Milos and others with difficulty chewing, theirs was soaked in some liquid. Someone told me it was a chocolate cream...but it was neither brown nor creamy. Looked kind of like the chicken soup base!  At any rate, he loved it. They allowed me to help him with this. and he readily accepted it. I noticed he sucks everything, and chews NOTHING. It is like he is still sucking on a bottle, but they don't give him a bottle. We returned to our little room, where I produced a banana and Milos was all for that! He readily took the bites I provided him, but again, didn't chew anything. When I gave him an actualy small bite sized piece, he swallowed it whole and then made a pain face. From then on, I just smashed little bits in my fingers to give him. Tomorrow, I will bring a small bowl and a spoon with me to feed him his banana. He was VERY sad when the entire banana was gone! But I didn't want to over feed him.

We went outside for a while, but he did  not want to be on any of the playground equipment, so I just ended up carrying him around. Everytime I put him down, he asked to be picked up again. Good  thing he only weighs 30 lbs!

Back inside and we walked the hallways. (I walked, he was carried!) He is busy building his bond to us, and that's ok.

We took the trolley tram back to our apartment, and are settling in. We are both tired...the days are long, but very fruitful.

No idea yet when this will be completed. But things are going well.

Till later.....
Mary

Hello Milos

WOW

What a day--We had our meeting with the Ministry of Adoption today at 11-- It was an hour long grilling (ok maybe not quite grilling) They were unhappy that our home study did not include more detail about our grown kids or how many hours each of us worked--I'm confident the home study covered everything usual and customary and they finally  agreed (as long as we are willing to do post placement reports-- Sure we are!)

after the meeting we headed right over to the orphanage-- we gathered in a small room (we=Me, Mary a 3 social workers, doctor, psychologists total of about 10 people in this tiny space-- They then brought poor little Milos in the room--when he was getting ready to settle down for his nap. He came right in and game me a hug--then whacked me in the face. He was so anxious and scared-- all the people--PLUS he stayed  home from school, missing his nap and performing for this massive team of folks.

As the people started to drift away and it was just us he did much better. But he was sooo tired.

 We head back there at 9 tomorrow and leave at 11--so he will eat and get his nap. We come back after nap-time til about 5.

My dunderhead moment of the day--- having eater NOTHING sinc east night we were at the butcher shop around 5pm-- Gonna pick up some ham and cheese for dinner and for breakfast omelettes


OOPS-- A normal serving is 100 grams-- I was really hungry so I thought I would double it---Except that I got 2 KG rather than 200 grams.. so what does one do with 4.4 lbs of ham?? argh

oh well-- I better go eat some more ham before it spoils-- more pics from today below---

Finally, We Meet!

Meeting Day......101

Today was our big day. Up at 9, showered, dressed, ate a banana, and we were off to meet Jasmina to go see Milos. By the way, they pronouce it "MEE  loesh".   Jasmina hailed a cab and we drove to the Ministry Offices, where we met our official translator, Jasna. Through the metal detector, our belongings xrayed by a machine that was not being watched by anyone that we could see. I'm sure it someone was watching it somewhere!

Then everyone checks in with security where we had to hand over our passports to the officials to hold for us. Maybe to make sure we actually leave?

Up a couple of flights of stairs and into an office for our meeting. There were 9 people, plus Jim and I, around a small table. I've never seen so many social workers in one place! At this meeting they shared what is known obout Milos, his social history and medicals. He spent a few years in a mental institution where there are no records that followed him, so much of what we know is sketchy. This is just like our other children who joined our family through adoption! They reviewed his developmental history, as best as they knew. He does not speak, he is not yet toilet trained, but will sit on the potty. He tends to throw toys rather than play with them. He is calm, a good boy, not a behavior problem. He has been going to school. He can feed himself, which is new since arriving at the orphanage. He follows one part directions and can accurately distinguish and follow through on "go sit on the bed" vs "Go sit on the chair".  If another child is called and does not come, Milos takes that child by the hand and leads them to the nurse calling.  Then, what they know about him medically, which is basically he gets some colds, and has "skin conditions" frequently.

The social workers had a chance to ask us questions, and they did ask a few things...mostly about what services are available for Milos in our community, schools that Matt and Joey attend, and things like that.

After reviewing all of this, they asked us if we were still interested in adopting Milos. Yes, of course we are! 

We wrapped up the meeting and went to the orphanage to actually meet Milos, while social workers and psychologists watch and evaluate our interactions with him.  We arrived at the orphanage about 12:30, which cooresponds with nap time! Milos normally has been going to a special preschool, but in anticipation of our visit, they held him back at the orphanage today. So, he did not get to go to school as usual, then, he was kep awake from his normal nap time, brought to a small (about 9X9 foot) room where there was a table, a couple of plants, a window, 5 chairs, and at least 6-7 adults...some had to crowd around the doorway looking in as we all couldn't fit!  

Milos performed as one would expect under those situtations. He did not want to be the center of all of this attention. He had a difficult time, but through it all we saw some VERY positive things . First of all, he does want our attention. When acting out, a firm "NE" (NO!) and a plop down on a chair for a short time resulted in immediately rectifying that behavior. There were some things that we picked up physically that  we have some concerns about, but they will be addressed when we get home with him. All in all, it was a rough start, but a smooth ending, and we are vey encouraged by many things we saw. He is not autistic...he wants to make eye contact, he wants to trust, he wants to be around people. He is bright and was learning immediately with us...we played an "empty out the backpack" game...one thing at a time, place it on the table, get more. He responded well to this, anticipating our "more" command, and gave great eye contact during this game. He did many things to see what our reaction would be...if we ignored him completely, he seemed puzzled and would see if he could engage us, either with repeating that undesired behavior, or trying another. This tells us he really wants attention. He loved to be held while walking (I could have used a sling for him!) and was just melting into my shoulder by the end of our visit. He was soooo tired, missing his nap.

At the end of our time, the regular caretaker held her hands out to him, but he turned from her and clung to me. We turned him over to her, and he went into his room, greeted by the other children's gleeful "Milos! Milos"  cries. He seemed happy and at ease with them. We looked at him through the window and I blew him a kiss. He returned the gesture!  The adults had never seen him do that before.

He is a bright little boy, definately "in there" wanting to come out, but with a very, very poor start in life. I have some real concerns about some health issues that I've asked about. Jasmina is checking the records, but probably these questions will be answered when we return home with him.

We left the orphange about 3:30ish...having not eaten much breakfast (A banana) and no lunch, we were hungry. Jasmina prefers that we use taxis as our means of transportation, but, we are used to taking public transportation in large, European cities, so we decided to give it a try. The worse that could happen is  we have to get off and get a taxi back to our apartment.  Many people here do speak English, so getting information is actually quite easy. The first person we asked was able to tell us where to get the tram tickets, we purchased, hopped on the tram, and a few minutes later, hopped off 2 blocks from our apartment! Nothing to it. It felt very safe, it was very easy, and if I can spend 60cents on a bus ride vs. 5.00+ for a cab ride each way...I'll  take the cheap route. We get to meet people this way, get to see the city a little, and frankly, I feel MUCH safer in a tram/trolley than in a car here! I would prefer to bring Milos out on a tram, rather than a taxi.

We came back to our apartment, dropped off the backpack, and went out in search of food. 3-4 blocks up from us is the large, city center, pedestrian only zone.  We figured we could find food there, right??? We walked the entire length and found 3 restaurants...mostly bars with some food. One smelled funny....not sure why. We left that area and decided to stop at the little market and get somethingto fix at home. We stopped at the butcher shop and Jim ordered ham and cheese. We like ham and cheese. However, all day long with no food left Jim confused when transating KG to LBS and he  ordered 2 KG of ham....that is 4 1/2 lbs!  We did stop them before they got that far, but we do have a LOT of ham. Then, stopped at the mini mart and got some bread and jam, and home to a yummy dinner of ham sandwiches.

A load of landry, a bath, and an early night for our regular visit tomorrow.

We get to visit every day from about 9:30 to about 11:30 and then 2:30 to 5pm. I hope we get to be with him for some feedings, bathing, etc.. so we can see what he is used to.

Until tomorrow.

Mary

We made it!!! (Jim Update)

Greetings from an unnamed country in Eastern Europe (well maybe more like central Europe.

We left our hotel in Munich at 8:30 this morning to grab the city bus to the airport--- a 30 minute ride-- picked up our bags-- hit  the quick check kiosk at the Skyteam check-in and we had 2 hours to kill till boarding--- what to do---AHHHHH Sausages, pretzels and a Bier--a traditional Bavarian morning feast! YUM--

Up to the gate where we boarded a VERY old and worn 'Airbust' A-319 for Roma. Flight was fine---  For once I was happy that we did not exit the plane through a jetway-- the weather in Roma was perfect-- for all 45 seconds we could enjoy it!

Ate a panini at the Autogrill in the airport--LOVE THAT PLACE.. Back on AlItalia- this time a nice looking MD88 for the flight to EE

Arrived in the rain at 4:30--it's already dark here.

Jasmina was there to meet us-- customs and passport control were very easy.

Traffic was bad on the ride in (but nothing like Ukraine). I can't wait to be able to tell you where we are-- though it is col and rainy today the city is vibrant, clean and safe feeling.

Vlado (our apartment guy) took us to the police station to check in (required by law), then showed us all over  downtown and out to the orphanage where Milos (pronounced Meelosh) lives. Its a one block walk to tram #10. That will take us to within a 3 or 4 minute walk of the orphanage (or if the weather is nice it's a 45 minute walk from the apartment to the orphanage). Jasmina does not want us taking public transport and while I do apprecate her concern, we'll be fine (and save 18euro a day)

We met up with Sarah andJohn who are also here adopting. We had a nice meal and headed back to the apartment.

I know I promised pictures but thus far there has been no time--- after the next day or so we will have nothing but time--so they are coming--promise!

Ahhh our apartment--- it is HUGE! We are only a 5 minute walk to the city center and the main pedestrian zone. We have 2 bedrooms, a full kitchen, modern bath, huge dining room, livingroom with a flat screen tv and WiFi..all for 45 euro a night. Never saw anything like this the last 2 times over here :-))

actually I DO have apartment pics-- here they come