3 Years Since We Met Little Jake

What a ride it has been

Jake has brought out the best and worst in our family.

a bit of background

Jake spent the first 8 years of his life in some of the worst institutions ever seen by western observers. We got him -- but not before he was damaged by the horrific lack of care

Jake is: Sweet, evil, loving, hating, happy, sad, giggly, tormenting, silly, angry, caring, abusive (often in the same 5 minute period)

We will never know the horrors he knew in Serbia- We know he was neglected and abused, we can get him to relax when we talk about when he went through, but with him being non-verbal much of the pain remains inside.

This has been the most difficult and most rewarding 3 years of my life

I am blessed to be Jacob's Papa

Back at it

Yes we are


http://www.moretulipsfromholland.blogspot.com/

jake pics

'


YUMMY Cheezy Poofs

it has been too long!

Hey everyone!

a quick update and some photos. I write you bleeding from my face and arms where Jacob (Milos) has decided to inflict pain. That said, he is really doing MUCH better.



Suggestions from Mary's online friends and our psychologist here have helped make a BIG difference.

Jake lets us play with him, kiss him and snuggle without inflicting serious pain on us (usually). He likes Mary to swaddle him and rock him and this usually calms him down.

Between his issues and regression in Joey, Mary has had to go back on family leave and I am afraid she will need to quit her job as staff nurse at a local agency that cares for adults with disabilities. That will make the budget really tight but there really is no other option.

There are so many things we did not expect with Milos--- We were not told the truth about his status-- but that said, it does not matter-- even if we knew the truth we would still have decided to bring him into our family. Our other international adoptions were perfect-- the kids were exactly what we expected (or more).

Something is up in Serbia and we would urge anyone planning an adoption from there to be aware that what you are told many not be quite true. These kids are neglected - the orphanages have the money but not the love or supervision.

Our kids from Ukraine, where there was NO money, had love. These poor kids in Belgrade have nothing.

please pray for these kids---

They need it

SORRY it has been so long

Jake is HOME!!!

He was back in the hospital over the weekend for another bleeder, but is doing fine now. He seems to love school and they seem to love him-- SUCH a change from the local district where Joey goes-- It is all they can do to deal with him each day. That is a WHOLE different blog- and/or lawsuit-

Mary is also back to work as cash flow was getting pretty ugly-- so a day is:

Jake is up with Mom (thanks)-- it's been in the 6-7am range
7am I'm up with the other boys
Joey and Matt bath and shower
Cook Breakfast(we are on a BIG breakfast kick with hash browns, sausage, eggs and toast)
Em or Catie up to help with Jake
Mary to work at 7:30
8a Joey's bus
Some "Monkey George" with Jake-- Matt catches up on scores with sportscenter in his room
8:30 Bus for Matt and Jake
School for James
Work for me
Break for groceries and any other household needs around 10a
back to work for me and james
Matt and Jake off Bus at 3:30, Joey at 4
If I was smart, dinner was done before they got home--- if not---- YIKES-- cook and keep Jake safe!!

So far so good----

I have video on my phone and on the camera but no connection on this computer--- arrrgh hopefully tomorrow

Quick update

Milos (jake) is feeling better--- but his O2 levels are still very low at night. They are doing some testing tonight and tomorrow to see if he indeed does have a vascular ring. I am really hoping that is the problem-- it is a pretty easy surgery and once completed the symptoms go away at once.


Will keep you posted!


Jim

say Ahhhhhhhhhh

WOW --- where to start---


Milos (Jake) went into the hospital on Tuesday to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. We figured he would be in overnight but did not NOT expect what was next!


His oxygen levels kept going down when he slept (something we assumed based on his breathing at night in the crib next to us)-- so he needed to stay another night--fine-- the next day while Milos and Mary are strolling the halls at the hospital he starts bleeding from the mouth-- A LOT-- They rushed him into the exam room and determined he has a bleeder that they cannot stop-


Milos was rushed into surgery to stop the blood loss. In 30 minutes he lost 25% of his blood--- were we at home he would have bled out and died-- Thank God for the low sats and the extended hospital stay-- it saved his life!

Today he is feeling better but the docs think he has an abnormality in his aorta that is causing him to have trouble breathing and eating---

They would like to wait until he heals to do the tests to confirm, but if his O2 levels do not improve they may need to do it now.

Milos is out of immediate danger, but had a lot ahead of him--

Please keep him in your prayers--- I can't help but think with his limited English that this little guy has to wonder what the heck we are doing to him-- and why--

I trust that one day he will understand and appreciate the love and care---but right now we just want to make him safe and comfortable

READY!

PICS are coming soon--

We learned today how we communicate with little Milos--- before we do anything we always ask "ready?" -- a fact we did not know.

Today he replied "ready!" when we asked---

WOW-- remember this is a kid who does not speak in Serbian OR English-- but today clear as can be he replied that he was "ready"

You would think the first word would be mama, papa or (as much as we have been saying it-- "NO"-- bit rather it is "ready"!

"ready" to play ball. "ready" to eat, "ready" to get down, "ready" to play.

Milos/jake is "ready" for whatever is coming his way!--in English


humph!

Serbia tips

I was asked today about tips for Serbia--- after a lot of thought here you go:


- Walk or take public transport everywhere (unless you have your child with you) trams and buses are cheap and easy-- Buy tickets for 42 Dinar per piece in books of 10 or 20 at almost any kiosk (most folks speak English) and ride at will. Be sure to punch your ticket when you get on the bus or tram. If it is crowded, just squeeze in-- it is expected.

-Exchange your money into Euros at your connecting point if you can-- Ask your bank if they can "up your limit" and get 5k in Euro at the ATM-- We actually paid for our trip to Germany for 2 days based on the savings from changing money at a bank in Munich vs in the US or in Serbia.

For Dinar, get your money at an ATM in Belgrade-- We usually took out 20,000 at a time (about $320USD) but you could double that to lower service charges

we did NOT use credit cards at all other than one meal-- many places took them, but we felt better with cash-- remember 60 Dinar make a Dollar!

While you are at it, make sure your bank and credit card people know you are in Serbia--- they may see odd activity there and suspend your account--uncool!

Take a laptop (or 2) Hopefully your apartment has free wi fi as ours did-- if not, McDonalds on Slavia square does.


FOOD!

Food in Serbia is quite good and quite like in the US (as long as you like grilled meat)-- Eat at "sport" by the orphanage bus stop--great grilled meats, goulash and salads (Mary liked the Serbska salad) The menu is in English

You get the same menu and prices regardless of the meal time--- so lunch and dinner cost the same--

"american food" can be found--
McDonalds at Slavia Square and at the pedestrian mall-- it's a bit expensive but for clean restrooms you can't beat it
Pizza Hut is adjacent to Radio Belgrade (but a better pizza place is down a block--- Jasna or Jasmina can show you)
There is a cool little Mexican place called "burrito bar" at the corner of Belgrade Street and (i think) Alexandar Blvd--- it is where the #10 tram turns-- there is also a good Chinese place right there (up Belgrade street about 1/2 block)
There is a Burger King and KFC but we did not find them.

Look for Donner kebap-- it is like a gyro-- yummy and safe-- you can have it on a fresh bun or a home-made tortilla. Serbia is known for their very LARGE, street food, hamburgers. We got one near Slavia (just up from the Maples' place) It was terrible--we got a couple of others that were great. very cheap--- trial and error

Grocery stores look TINY but they have what you need. "Mini Maxi" is the cheapest. They take Dinar or Credit-- everything is safe to eat-- fear not.

if you take the #10 tram away from the orphanage you will arrive at the "fresh market". Things are much cheaper there and you can feel free to bargain-- it's fun-- don't be shy.

Non food--- in Serbia, as in most of Europe, there are Apotek ( for prescription drugs) and other stores for stuff you would find at a "drug store" in the US. The best choice for hygiene, grooming and baby stuff in Belgrade is the "Lilly" store. Expensive, but very western.


See the sights!

We did not get to the fortress because the weather was so bad but try to--- it is supposed to be amazing
Basketball is HUGE in Serbia- if you like college ball you should go to a game-- there will be some Americans playing.
Theatre is also very good, but we are not fans--
Walk the pedestrian zone-- don't buy anything-- too pricey but a nice walk
The Sava and the Danube rivers join in Belgrade-- there are boat trips and a wonderful Island/amusment park to tour if you get a sunny day
EXPLORE-- the city is totally safe (other than pickpockets and the like). Don't be afraid to take the tram to "wherever" and hop off and explore

Adoption Stuff
Take a Cheapo stroller-- you will not be sorry! if you do not need it you can leave it behind--the orphanage staff will use it
take toys to play with your new child-- but assume they are HALF of their chronological age when considering what to take
Be careful of "add-ons" from your facilitator. They may want 60 euro to get to and from the airport when a cab would have been 10 total.
If you have to travel to the birth-town consider renting a car (get your IDP before you go)You could be charged 250 euro-- you can rent a car and pay for gas for less than 50
take snacks for your child-- Milos really liked pudding and bananas
if you play tennis there is a nice tennis "bubble" right next to the orphanage
ask to walk the grounds-- even it it is cold it is better than being in the "cell" (we spent a BUNCH of time in the lobby with Milos-- fun to explore plus yummy hot drinks out of the machine!)


Other stuff

Cram and learn the alphabet-- I kinda know it -- Mary has it down pat-- it will REALLY help you to get around
Learn "nice words" Thank you "hvala", please/ you're welcome "mollim" and how to count to 3 (ya never know when you might need some donuts!!)
(if it is important to you)-- scope out a church. It was very comforting for us to have an English speaking Catholic Church that we could attend every Sunday while in Belgrade
have a local phone-- your apartment guy should provide you with one at no cost-- you only pay for minutes

RELAX-- this is a wonderful journey. you will have time together with you husband that you rarely have. enjoy each other-- it will not be long till the chaos of reality comes crashing down!

Happy New Year!

So much going on--

Medical stuff:
Milos has NO heart problems (yay)
He DOES have active Hep B (booo)
Milos has really BIG tonsils that need to come out--soon
Both ears are infected (and that makes him GRUMPY!)

He has gained 6 lbs since coming home but is still a skinny little thing

He still needs constant attention- or he becomes "destroy-boy".. easy to understand since all of his life anything in arms reach is a "toy" or food.

His hitting, pinching and biting has slowed down--a little, but he still can lay some pain on you if he chooses.

We are all very tired but things are going fine--- It sure is NOT what we expected, but is anything??

Here is to a great 2010!

Jim

More video from marie

Merry Christmas

Wellllll--

sorry it has been so long since we have posted

I have pics coming soon-- hopefully tomorrow

Milos has been doing GREAT!!!!!!!

here is a video of milos and the boys at Hofbrauhaus!




It is so hard to believe that a kid who has done little-- other than stare at the lights on the wall-- has adjusted so well to his new world.

Today he went with mom in search of a crib--

No luck, but we had a nice time at Hofbrauhaus in Newport-- I wish I had the pics of him and his first Chickendance-- will post soon

Things are going REALLY well-- We wish Mios did not arise at 5am but all in all it is hard not to approve of his progress.


he is speaking 2-3 words by voice and signing 3 word complete phrases


It's is SOOO sad this little guy had no attention in the "home". They really meant well and tried to help him, but he has REALLY exploded here at home.


With your prayers, we will continue to see his come out of his shell!

Merry Christmas!

Jim

MILOS IS HOME

We made it!

More soon!

Milos the American!

We made it to DC--

Thanks for the prayers. Milos was actually a pretty good--no make that a very good traveller!

Kudos to the Belgrade Airport for a great kids area. They have lots of Little Tyke stuff to play on in a closed off very comfy room! Plus yummy schnitzel  in the self service cafe to bring in.

There were problems with the seat assignments. I had confirmed bulkhead seats for all of us on the Paris/DC flight-- somehow AirFrance lost that assignment and we were to be in pretty awful seats in the rear of the plane.  To their credit, they treated us VERY well on the Belgrade/Paris flight with free Champagne. We arrived late into Paris but decided it was worth a try to get our seats back. Someone was in them-- not good-- Milos was really hungry and grumpy at this point and the people at the transfer desk did their nice deed for the year-- they booted the people who had taken our seats and gave them back to us-- Whew-- Bulkhead it will be.

The long flight went GREAT! Milos stayed away for about the first 2-3 hours and slept the last 4. He was VERY good (except he had a belly ache and only wanted to eat pudding (maybe WHY he had a bellyache)

Smooth getting off the plane-- no problems through customs-- Milos is Now an American-- May I add a very stinky American-- Belly problem solved. Mary goes to change the poopie machine. After a fresh set of clothes we are through customs and out to our shuttle.

The Hampton at IAD is wonderful! We arrived in the room a bit after 9 and headed out for Milos' first sports bar food--- Well he actually had a jar of baby food with sportsbar mashed potatoes. (thanks to the hampton folks for driving us)

\One last pudding with melatonin and Milos fell asleep around 11:30.

Up at 3am for a diaper change and wanting to be up for the day--NO WAY. With some encouragement he went back to sleep until 7! (YAY!!)

Great Hampton Breakfast for all of us (notice we really like this place) and back to the room for a bath. (and a potty break--- Milos actually used the potty--- YAY again!)

Our flight is around 11am. We will head to the airport fro our quick flight home!


 Will try to update with pics tonight

Jim

Last Night in Serbia

Thanks to the folks at the Embassy here in Belgrade! Despite DC being shut down they were able to process Milos' visa-- We arrived at 1:30 for our 2pm interview. By 3:30 we were on our way with visa in hand!

We walked from the Embassy up to Slavia-- They have finally turned on the Christmas Lights overe here--

We grabbed one last Donner Kebap and dodged the cars to get over to the taxi stand. By this time Milos was getting a bit cold and grumpy.

After about a 10 minute cabride we are home! Up the steps to the apartment. Hey guess what? The poopie machine needs to changed!

Only one diaper left so I sart out to the Lilly to get diapers, wipes and baby food for the journey home tomorrow. Last Belgrade tram ride.

Vlado and his daughter came over to get us "unregistered" at the police station. Mary and Vlado went to the police (my shoes are soaked through). I stay behind to try to get Milos to bed. YAY They brought back pizza-- REALLY GOOD Pizza.

We will get our taxi to the airport at 9:30 tomorrow-- and will get to DC about 7:30PM tomorrow-- so 16 hours of travel with Milos-- Please keep us in your prayers-- I am really concerned about how he will do on the plane for that long.

I'll try to do a quick update (at least from the cellphone) when we arrive in DC!

Thanks for following along!

Jim

Serbian Beer

Not a beer fan-- ignore this post

Beer in Serbia is a bit dissapointing. Ukrainian beer (expecially Chernihivska and Obolon) is great.

The flavor of Serbian Beer is very nice but the beer is way too fizzy-- fake fizzy

My fave local beer is "Deer Beer"

Jelen PIvo



There is also "Lion Beer"



I had a really nice dark beer at dinner one night--

But I find my regular beer is Becks-- Yes German but brewed here in Serbia



Yummm

Lazy Sunday in Serbia

A quiet day today with Milos--



We did not get the big snow event that was predicted for Saturday and Sat night, but we DID get the COLD--- wind chills in the low teens today-- BTW-- How great is it that we have 2 bedrooms, a full dining room, living room and big bath with a tub. We probably could have saved 5 or 6 euros a night in a smaller place but I can't imagine how crazy we would be right now! YAY!-- thanks Vlado!

Milos got Mary up EARLY again-- Thanks for taking early duty--

I got up about 8:15 and we played "round the table" for a while-- I had to run to buy food and change a bit of money- Hamburger went down well last time but not so easy to find it on Sunday-- I finally found a nice German speaking butcher and we chatted auf Deutsch while he chopped up a chicken for us and ground some fresh beef for Milos.

Stopped at the local (read communist looking) bread store but they were out of bread-- so to the Pan European bakery for a half a loaf or Italian bread--- YUMMY!

About 30 minutes later, back to the apartment where Mary was trying to get Milos to take a nap---NOT HAPPENIN!

I let Mary sleep and Milos and I played the "round the table game" and watched Kim Possible and a couple other Disney things. he was very well behaved-- a little gentleman!

About 90 minutes later Milos had his (I think) second poopie diaper of the day so I had to wake Mary for the dirty deed-- Long story as to why I do not do poopie-- remind me to share with you one day!

Lunch time-- and cooking for Milos meals for the next couple of days--

More table chasing, TV, clothes pin dumping, poopie diapers, pudding snacks, and another nap attempt and WOW it's already dinner time--

Milos was not very hungry (I think he has a bit of a belly ache) He ate some of his mashed potatoes with ground beef (did not like the beef chunks this time). Mary and I had yummy baked chicken, bread and noodles.

More tv and mama and papa play and about 45 minutes later some fruit with melatonoin-- ANOTHER poopie diaper and bedtime!

We are in full wind down mode-- figuring out how much food we still need for him and us, starting to pack the big suitcase-- in general planning our escape!

Our appointment at the US Embassy is 2pm tomorrow. The weather is supposed to get pretty nice (sunny and 35) -- we may take the stroller and explore a bit. I need to copy some documents and try to get a few photos around town with Milos.

We still need more diapers, wipes and baby food for the plane ride--

So here is the scoop:

2pm Embassy
4pm (hopefully) get the visa

6pm Milos bedtime

Tues
10am leave for airport
12:40 flight for Paris
4pm Flight for DC
7:15p arrive in DC check into the Hampton

Wed
11:30a leave for Cincy
1:10p arrive home!

whew-- I cannot WAIT to get home

2 days down, 2 more to go

Another day cooped up in our apartment. It is a GREAT apartment, but it is still hard to be cooped up, inside, all day, with not much to do, when you are a 10 year old boy, (or a 40-something mom!)

Milos/Benjamin started his day at about 5am! I found out what happens when you don't get him out of the pack and play when he is ready...he becomes "streaker boy!". He can undress himself, completely, he just chooses not to when I ask him to!

Bath, breakfast, a load of laundry folded and another started, the dishwasher emptied and reloaded with the few breakfast things, and 3 apples pealed, cored and simmering for applesauce was completed by 6:45. OK, so what do we do for the REST of the day?

Milos/Benjamin prefers to eat! So, by 8, he had eaten twice, and by the time we had lunch at 10:45, it was the fourth time he had eaten today!

We tried, again unsuccessfullly, to have him nap. But he and I did, sort of, rest, for about an hour. Then it was time to eat again!

We practiced walking up and down the steps. This means he has to put on his coat, as it is pseudo-outside. He does not like these steps, they curve and they are difficult to manuver, plus the handrails are freezing, so he tends to fuss a great deal all the way down and back up again. Too bad, we did them twice today. Good practice and exercise.

He took a couple of baths.

We played "chase mom" and "Chase dad" around the dining room table. We worked on the signs for "mama" and "papa". He uses both hands when he signs. "Papa" looks more like a reindeer, but we understand. He gets it...he really does. He thinks who he wants to chase him, and signs for that person. He got confused a couple of times, as "mama" and "papa" are simply names that we have right now. He does not know what a mama is. The kids don't call all  the female caretakers "mama"  like they did in Ukraine. And papa is "tata" here. But, he is understanding that he gets his needs and some wants met by asking/signing. He is also verbalizing "eat"...sounds like "eeee" but, hey, for a kid who didn't talk, at all, 2 weeks ago, to have a 4 word sign vocabulary and a 2 word spoken vocabulary...all in English....we will take it.

He is a bright little boy in there...he is very low functioning, but I really do think much of that can be remedied. I love to watch him when he is thinking. You can really see when he is trying to figure something out, and he is doing that more and more.

Dinner was early (since breakfast and lunch were early, it just follows that dinner is too)...he started getting really tired about 3:30-4. Too late to nap. So we ate early,,,,about 4:30, he had a bath, and we just tried to play quietly for a while. Then a pudding treat and to bed around 6. It will be an early morning again tomorrow!

On tap tomorrow will be a trip to the "Lilly" store....sort of a "walgreens" type place and the best place to get diapers and babyfood. We want to have some on hand for the airplane. We both think Mass is not going to happen for us tomorrow. It is too cold out there, and church is not heated. It is a very, very very small church, and he is just not ready for this yet. But most of the day will be spent trying to fill the hours with something to do, trying not to be too loud for the other folks living above and below us.

Monday afternoon is our embassy appointment...they said they would issue the visa that day. Hope so. We leave here Tuesday. Can't wait to get home to everyone waiting for us.

Mary

A Serbian Multimedia Extravaganza

Some stills from the past couple of days:




Milos can now speak in 3 word (sign) sentences. Not bad for a kid they said was mute a week ago.





Milos thinks Pizza tastes like cardboard-- wonder why?!>

First Full day stuck in our apartment

Milos/Benjamin and I were pretty much in our apartment all day while Jim braved the cold and ice to pick up his passport, my passport (it got left at the orphanage yesterday) and the medicals. Thanks, hon, for saving us from the bitter weather!

He was mostly smiley beyond anything we have seen thus far. We played with empty toilet paper tubes, rolling them back and forth to each other, he took 2 or 3 baths, and he ate. And ate. And ate. He is on an every hour and a half to two hour feeding schedule! I think I gave him too much one time because he refluxed pretty bad a couple of times and really cried. I felt so bad. So, we are watching the amount of food, but giving it to him frequently. He definately prefers the sweet stuff, but when he discovered that dinner was dinner, and refusing it does not get him a pudding cup, he decided he was indeed hungry and ate.

He can only handle small amounts of texture, so getting protein in him is a challenge. He does like milk, so I make any cereals with milk, and add an egg, then cook in the microwave. He seems to like it. We have made applesauce...really just cooked to mush apples with a little sugar...and I add that to the cereal/milk/egg mixture to make our very own "breakfast slop".

We did venture out twice, briefly. Once, because I ran out of Coke Zero (no Diet Coke here...or Coke Light...only Coke Zero. So, I gave up Diet Coke!), and once to take the trash out. THe first time, I put him in the stroller, all bundled up. He stayed that way, pretty well, but the stores are really small, and very skinny isles....read...no place for a little boy who has never been taught to keep his hands to himself!

He will not walk up or down the steps to our apartment. They curve a little, and he still needs two handed support to walk even up stairs, and he just does not feel comfortable on them. He did well on the steps at the orphanage, but not here.

The 2nd time, I just carried him, and almost wiped out. It is cold and very icy outside. The "sidewalk" in front of our apartment is actually made of tile, which is extra slipery when icy. We dropped off the trash and returned immediately. Those were our two big "outings".

Milos/Benjamin LOVES to rip apart boxes..really he loves to rip apart anything. We had a pizza box, and I figured, why not. It kept him busy for a good half hour! I can see Christmas now....just let him have the boxes and he will be in 7th heaven!

He did not nap, although we tried. He was in his bed for an hour and a half, but not sleeping at all, so bedtime was still fairly early tonight. He was very tired by 6pm. I did notice last night that he more than likely has sleep apnea, too! Just one more evaluation!

I think we should turn in early, too, since he gets up around 6am.

Mary